How often do you hear about people trying desperately to achieve balance in their lives?

The topic of work/life balance is covered in the press almost daily: radio; television; newspapers; magazines; and last but not least, e-newsletters and blogs. Because of the timing and overwhelming focus on this topic, most of us have bought into the notion that a “balanced life” is actually attainable.

Experience and observation has taught me that a “balanced life” simply is not attainable. Just think about this for a moment. Balance in any context is delicate. Anything that is balanced (think of a scale) can become unbalanced with the slightest pressure from any direction at anytime. An enormous amount of energy is exerted and depleted trying to keep something in balance – including your life. Can you see how incessant focus on achieving a balanced life affects the quality of your life? The effort is actually counter-productive. I have come to appreciate how “integration” rather than “balance” can be the key to maintaining quality of life and actually thriving. Understanding this distinction has a profound effect on sustaining your quality of life and basically, staying sane.Here is my interpretation of the distinction between integration and balance.

“Integration” implies acceptance, assimilation, and sense of continuous flowing energy. As something is added, it is embraced but it does not take over. When something is deleted, the gap is filled in just the right proportion without losing sight or appreciation for what was removed or lost. Wholeness is maintained. Our sense of being whole gives us strength to flow through the transition. We attract the best. We go with the flow.

“Balance” on the other hand implies struggle to achieve and maintain. Any addition or deletion from the equation causes upset or feeling of being “off balance”. Again, think about the scales. When something is added or deleted, there is a compensating reaction. Under or overcompensation fuels the imbalance. We feel fragmented along with a gamut of other feelings and fears that tear at our sense of being whole and compromise our strength. We focus on the hurdles, we trip, and we lose the flow.

Here is my call to action. Stop the Balancing Act:

1. Examine your distinction between integration and balance.
2. List what is most important to you at this very moment. Be as detailed as you feel is meaningful for you to benefit from this exercise.
3. Use my distinction and/or your own regarding “balance” to determine how well (or not so well) you are currently “balancing” or “juggling” what is most important to you. How do you feel when “A” gets more attention than “B”? Or, when you add “C” which forces you to eliminate “B”? What is this “balancing act” costing you?
4. Now explore the shift to “integration”. Can this shift allow you to give the appropriate amount of attention to “A” and “B”? Can you accept and assimilate “C” without total exclusion of “B”? If the unexpected comes along, will you be able to accept it with ease and maintain the flow?

I would love to read about your experience in stopping the balancing act. Please post your feedback.